A SUICIDE NOTE(with a difference!!!!!!!!)

the first murder i committed was the girl i loved....yes,its true,i killed Ruchi,its been almost a year now,it was her birthday,we had known each other for over a year and i had fallen for her in the course of time....i didnt know her side of the story but she did admire me a lot.On her birthday,she took me to a beautiful dam in our city,she said i was the closest friend she ever had,i saw positive signs,i thought this was the right time to say it,then......i proposed,i said i loved her,but in reply she said she had thought of me always as a friend and that she loved someone else and had already found the true love of her life.......a cold rage took over me,i couldnt control myself,i felt betrayed,cheated upon,i was angry,i slowly moved closer to her,in rage i hit her,then i held her dupatta around her neck,i strangled her to death,she was choking in front of my eyes,and i was smiling,in a few minutes as i cooled down,i realized the gravity of my mistake,i sw the time,it was 12:03 0n my watch,lunch break had just started in college,i quickly got on my bike and left the spot unnoticed,i took the dupatta with me,i starightway went to my hostel mess and started eating,i thanked god that no one had seen me or known that i was with her the last,or else i could have got caught,i was safe,i should have felt the guilt atleast,but i didnt feel any remorse on killing her,i felt she got what she deserved.

A few months later one of my friends told me he was in love,and the girl had also fallen for him....rajesh told me this after we had celebrated his birthday in his hostel room at midnight.I went to my room after the celebration,i didnt sleep the whole night,i was again feeling the same rage towards my friend that i had felt towards ruchi,the similarities were too annoying to me,both had found true love,both shared there truest feelings with me.I have been a bit of a maths freak all my life,so i also figured out the similarity that both used spectacles of power 0.5...i felt he had to meet the same fate,so ragefully i got up from my bed and went to his room,the time must have been around 4.30 in the morning,no one was there in the corridor,everything was quite,i entered his room through the already open door,he woke up when i closed the door behind me,he asked me the reason to come to his room this late at night,i confessed my previous murder to him,i showed him the dupatta,then i put it around his neck and choked him to death after a brief struggle.He was strong,but no match for me.i looked at my watch,it said 4:56,I quickly went to my room and straight to my bed,making sure no one saw me,leaving no traces behind.This time again,instead of guilt,i felt a sense of accomplishment,i felt proud o f myself.i thought logically both the people i had killed were deerving what they got,and both served no purpose to the earth in their lives,so better dead.

after killing my freind and escaping succesfully i started looking for more victims,it felt as if this was the soul purpose of my existence,6 months later i found my next target.My maths teacher in college told me that he was very fond of me,and my love for maths reminded him of his own days.college gossip told me that his was a love marriage and a very happy one at that....he was slowly fulfilling the criterion to be my next victim.one day after class,we were having a chat,just out of he blue i asked him the power of his reading glasses,he said it was 0.5,but asked me why?i didnt give him the real reason,then i asked him his birthday,he said it was just round the corner,it was the coming sunday and invited me to his place...

that sunday i went to his house first thing in the morning at around 6:30,he was startled at seeing me that early,but still invited me inside,he told me he was alone because his wife was out of staion for a few days,i quickly grasped my oppurunity,put the dupatta around his neck and strangled him after a bit of struggle...within a few minutes i could see raghu sir lying on his couch upside down,helplessly dead.another one of my accomplishments,another good for nothing person dead.i looked at my watch,it was 7:08,exactly the time i had wanted.i left his house immediately and went to my hostel unnoticed once agian,i was starting to like this......infact i was loving it.......

soon my search for my next victim started,and i found her in my own house.Rajeshwari ahuja was my mother.a single mother at that,she always told me stories of my wonderful father and how much he loved her and me,who died in an accident when i was very young.It was the last day of my semester break,it was her birthday,the power of her glasses was 0.5,she loved me,but i was under rage,she fulfilled all the conditions,she had got true love,her case was too similar to ruchi's,i had to kill her.so in the morning of her birthday,i went into her room with the dupatta,told her everything and did my job,it was only logical that i kill her,i made sure the time to be exact 9:00..then i reached the station,took my train and came back to my college,starting off a new semester.

In the days that followed,i constantly thought about my next target,but couldnt find one...until one day my head started aching while doing my maths sums,i went to an eye specialist the next day,he told me i would need spectacles,power 0.5...i said,now i didnt need them,my birthday was coming up in a few days,i pondered over the possibilty for a long time....

this was perhaps a fitting end,i too had after all found love from all around me,although i killed those people,my eyes were also with the same power now,i too,after all,was good for nothing on this earth,and logic had left me just one moment in time to do my job,it had to be 0:00,yes,zero,where it all begins,and logically where it all should end....

all my murders were commited at a times with progression(12.03,4.56,7.08,9.00),and so,its 5 minutes to midnight(0.00)tommorow is my birthday,with the same dupatta around my neck,i hereby confess to all the above mentioned murders,and also my own murder,its not a suicide,its a logical murder,a progression,a fitting end to my life...

signing off

RAJ(yes,my name too begins with an 'r' like all the others')

GUJJARS-A SOCIAL ISSUE

RESERVATION-as many young and progressing individuals in our country would term it as THE MAIN problem in our country today,talk to them about the gujjar agitation and they get pissed off about the issue,saying that such politics is ruining our nation today........hmmmm........i tend to disagree on some points...........
lets see,when our country got independence 60 years ago the meena community got the ST status,the gujjars who were less in number but equally backward got the OBC status(i dont knw why!!!!!) you see, the benefits enjoyed by the STs in out country are different than those by the OBCs,so in the last 60 years the meenas,in a way,prospered due to reservation and today we see meenas working in so many government offices right across the country..............not the gujjars,but the gujjars were contented with what they had,not satisfied,but contented and were always asking for the ST status.........

now,in the last general elections in rajasthan,the BJP promissed the gujjars a ST status if they cam in power,which they did.so now they wanted what had been promissed to them,by hook or by crook,they had seen the progress the meenas had done thru the same reservation and now they wanted it as well..........and so the agitation..........

now,in the last 6o years this small community of rajasthan has given our country only soldiers and dacoits(yes DAKUS of chambal),they consider both the professions very dignified,and regard such people with great respect............but in todays age of globalisation and progression in the country,they feel a bit left behind,today they also want to be doctors,engineers,IASs,IPSs.......they want to be a part of the change that india is going through today,they dream of watching their children grow up with a better life than what they have lived till now,do they dream wrong???????

i refuse to believe that this is a political issue in any way,i think its a social issue that has been politicised.i feel,this community has got the RIGHT to be called a SCHEDULED TRIBE,you can take away the benefits of a community if it doesnt deserve it,but you cannot take away its rights.

maybe my friends would still disagree with me,yes reservation is an evil in our society,but in some cases,while in other cases it can be boon for some needy people........
the government needs to look into te matter from a social front and not from the political front(i wonder they've got the guts to do it)

RAFT MERI JAAN

it was 24th may 2008,the car had taken us from our guest house(dharamshala rather)to a place called SHIVPURI,from where our adventure was to begin.as we reached there a large rubber raft was shown to us.we were going to row that thing for a lenght of 18kms in the chilling waters of the ganges.add to that,our giude made us sign an agreement that complete rsponsibilty of our lives rested upon us,and if anything happens to us during the adventure,the authoriteis would hold no responsiblity,it felt like i was signing my suicide note.

after a 10 point lecture by our guide,we mounted our raft,there were 10 people in all,1 guide and 9 tourists,apart from 5 of us there were 2 couples from delhi.the guide had chosen me and a delhi guy to sit in the front-row(i dont know why)rest sat in subsequent rows of 2,with the guide in the centre at the back.we had paddles(chappu)in our hands,to row the raft.and we were supposed to do so at te guides instructions.

in a rivers course in the mountains there come areas where due to the rocks and banks,the flow of water gets very violent and turbulent(and dangerous),these areas are called RIFTS.and in rafting the rifts are the most fun thing(and dangerous again).the guide had warned us to be extra cautious during the rifts,and specially me being the first one to face them.

during the first rift,just as things had got more turbulent and i had started enjoying,i suddenly heard all my companions shouting,and before i colud realiose what they were saying i saw a girl in the water just next to me,i thought i had seen this girl somewher,shit,she was the one from my own raft and had fallen in the water,just next to me.instintively i held her from the collar of her life jacket pulled her up,just as we had been told to do,but it was not as easy as it seemed,it took me atleast 3 tries to pull her back to safety(maybe she was a bit heavy),so as the rift passed she was told to be extra-cautious from next time and hold tight,(in between all this i had a lot of fun during the rift) .a few more rifts passed,some dangerous,some easy,exactly in the middle of the journey we reached a place called CLIFF JUMP by the locals,as the name suggests there was a cliff about 20-25 feet high and we could see people jumping into the waters as if they were jumping in there swimming pools.(and i wanted to do it)

so.......as i reached the top of the cliff in a line of many(pandey and ashay had already dived).for 2 seconds i shut my mind and hauled myself in mid air.....................

there are some feelings in life which cannot be expressed merely in words,this was one of them.

we all have studied WEIGHTLESSNESS in std. 9 physics,but i bet very few have actually felt it. it felt as if

all my 8o kilos had vaniished somehow,for 2 seconds i cudnt feel any pull on my body,and then i hit the chilling waters of the ganges,it was fun,really the feeling was awesome!!!!!!!!!!

some more rifts,a few dives in the water,swimming in the ganges,wow,it was cool,truly this was an expereince of a lifetime,a must do for eveyone in college,kya pata kal ho na ho????

the train mishap

it was 23rd may 08,my sem. had just got over,we had planned to go for a 2 day vacation to rishikesh,the tickets were booked,though not confirmed.myself,nagu and pandey were supposed to tkae the train from bhopal at 10 in the mrng.,ashay and gangwal were SUPPOSED to join us on the same train at 3.30,and pranav was SUPPOSED to take the same train from agra at 5.30,everything was planned very nicely,just the one hitch-wait listed tickets,but we were ready for it.
when i reached the station wid my 2 frnds at 9.30,the train was late,it finally left the station at 11 o clock.it was really hot and humid,v had sumhow managed to get seats to sit atleast till night time.
the trn was going to reach gwl at 4.30,i was to inform ashay when the trn passes dabra,as it is at 15 min distance from gwl,i did that,10 mins later ashay called me back and asked me my coach,i said s6,he said he is in s5 and cannot come to s6 as the way is blocked,i cudnt comprehend what he was saying as the trn hadnt reached gwl yet,then hw cud he be on the trn,tht too in the next bogie.
it took 2 mins of useless and baseless debate for us to realize that he had boarded the wrong train,sum train ahead of our train.then i called gangwal,as ashay had said tht he too was on tht train,but in sum other bogie,gangwal said,he did board the wrong trn,and also told ashay to do the same on the fone,by pulling the chain,but realized his mistake and jumped off it just as it was going to leave the platform.so as it turned out,ashay alone was on the wrong train,and i had his ticket,gangwal joined us in the correct train,as we finally, ACTUALLY, reached gwl.
now we talked to the TC in our train and explained him the situation,he said ashay could get on the correct train at agra stn, as both trns haulted there,and we had a sigh of relief,agra was 2 hrs away,it was our only ray of hope
wht followed was a number of SMSs and fone calls between us and ashay,and ashays parents and us,and ashays parents and ashay.........................
and thru these fone calls we realized tht our train had overtaken ashays train at a small station,we were in fear o f losing him completely for the trip.........
we were all at a loss,we cudnt digest what was happening,how were we going to get him on the trn..........we were still discussing the options we had when the trn reached agra(in between:pranav was down wid fever,so had dropped the idea of the tour,he was to meet us at agra stn,)
ashays trn was still behind ours,and we didnt knw how long it wud take to reach agra,and how long our train wud hault at the stn.,we had decided to pull the chain of our trn as soon as it moved,to get sum tym.........
and as luck wud have it,as soon as our train moved,ashays trn arrived right at the opposite platform,nagu and gangwal were ther to recieve him,me and pandey enterd our train and as soon as it moved,and i pulled the chain,we got down from the other bogie,pranav was there to meet us,and i finally saw ashay-jumping from the opposite trn,running wid nagu to our train and eventually boarding it................
we then spread a bed sheet near the basin of the bogie,and sat on the floor,played cards there,planned our trip,ate together,and celebrated,as finally we were together............
IT WAS FUN......i know what happened was not desirable or planned,and i wont advise anyone reading this to get into such a situation,but we had a lot of fun that day,in between all the misery,and finally i wud just say-ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.

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